(Usual disclaimer about how all the people involved are no doubt better Christians than me, no hard feelings, just calling it as I see it.)
Got blindsided this morning at Mass, as it is Catholic Schools Week, and not having any kids in K-12 Catholic schools, I didn’t see it coming.
What ‘it’ is is all the schoolkids and their parents showing up for the same Mass. This Mass includes several homilies/sermons – the normal one after the Gospel, as well as a pre-Mass sermon about what we’re all celebrating today (hint: Our Lord and Savior’s redeeming sacrifice as manifested on the altar didn’t seem to figure prominently) and the post-Mass sermon wherein we recognize and thank all sorts of people and remind everyone that there will be donuts and coffee at the school’s open house after Mass.
Remember the part in the V-II documents wherein Mass is supposed to contain performances, musical and otherwise, by kids at every opportunity, because nothing says ‘full, active participation’ like listening to children sing goofy social justice songs during Mass?
Me neither.
On the good side, the children’s choir is much better at this parish than the average in my experience, and they even – amazing! – sang some Latin commons. Whoa. This is not to be discounted – that these kids have learned some beautiful music could change their lives. A very good thing.
But the first and last songs, which nobody except the kids in the choir knew and for which no music or text was supplied, sang about ending discrimination and achieving justice. God may have been mentioned at some point, don’t know, I was kind of not listening after a while out of self-defense.
I If anyone ever wonders why we didn’t send our kids to Catholic K-12 schools, well, this about sums it up.
Anyway, as a public service, thought I’d write a song I’d like the little darlings to learn, and sing every morning right after the Pledge of Allegiance and never, ever sing at Mass:
The I’m Not All That and Need to Lean Something Song
O my head is empty,
There’s nothing inside.
And teacher’s no better
There’s no place to hide!
Oy Vey! Oy Vey! My head is empty!
Oy Vey! Oy Vey! I don’t know a thing.
There’s no shame in saying
I don’t have a clue
I am still quite little
Now, how about you?
Oy Vey! Oy Vey! My head is empty!
Oy Vey! Oy Vey! I don’t know a thing.
If I pay attention
And read stuff that’s old
I might just learn something
Before my body’s cold.
Oy Vey! Oy Vey! My head is empty!
Oy Vey! Oy Vey! I don’t know a thing.
Needs work.
Here’s another ditty, sung, perhaps, to Deutschland, Deutschland Uber Alles Praise the Lord, Ye Heavens Adore Him. Or not. Trying to reach kids where they are. Suitable for no occasions.
Lord Have Mercy! I’m a Clueless Punk
Lord, Have Mercy, I’m a clueless punk
Not surprising, since I am 10
I’ve been plied from birth with hippy bunk
Same as mom and dad and their kin
Now we make believe
Truth we can retrieve
If we spout the buzzwords right!
Lord, enlighten me!
I would like to see
What in particular’s OK in Your sight.
You’re my friend, Lord Jesus, that I got –
Not as fun as Maddy or James
This whole church thing, fun it’s surely not.
Why can’t we play video games?
Once each month or two
Motions going through
Grandma thinks there is a point!
No theology!
Never bended knee!
All my friends want to blow this joint.
Still, My Lord, I think there’s something
To this praying, kneeling and stuff
You have plans, I get the feeling
Being sort of nice ain’t enough
When I reach the end
I will need a Friend
more than just the final boss!
Help me win this game
Life is not the same
When you look down from that Cross
Yard Sale of the Mind 