A Gripping Tale of Getting My Teeth Cleaned, and Other Exquisite Drama

These remarkably clean, white, straight, unchipped teeth are not mine. Is there such a thing as a teeth model? I bet there is…

Got my teeth cleaned for the first time since the Coof. Walked in, the guy working reception told me to put on a mask. OK, dentist with a lot of elderly patients probably needs to put them at ease…

Next, the hygienist comes out. There are 3 who work for this dentist, two of whom I know pretty well from the last 25 years of being his patient. This was the 3rd, who may have done my teeth once or twice over the decades. So I don’t know her well enough to kid around with her. Well, she’s got the thermometer gun and the finger thermometer thing, and starts quizzing me as she’s taking my (perfectly normal) temperature.

She finally asks: “Have you been vaccinated?” I respond: “Do you know HIPAA?” She responds, a little flustered, “I think we can ask…” I go, “Maybe, but I don’t need to answer.”

Awkward silence. Finally, I add: “I’m not sick.”

Aaand -she let it go.

The dentist himself is a great guy, but not completely free of Branch Covidian dogmas. At least, he didn’t seem too worried, and made noises about the whole thing being overblown.

Walked out to talk to the reception guy and pay my bill. Didn’t mask up. No issues at all.

Next, went to mass this morning at a parish where, during an earlier stage of the Covidiocy, the priest had one day moved a daily mass inside because it was pouring rain outside – and got upbraided by Karen. She, you see, would rather have old people catch their death of cold out in the rain than see 30 masked up people in a church that seats 500 sitting 10+’ apart. Because something something.

Anyway, not sure if this is a milestone or tipping point, but for the first time since this insanity took hold, an obvious majority of the people in church were unmasked. Now, the masked-up people get to feel like the weirdos, and have their finely-honed instinct to comply triggered. You don’t want to be the last person wearing a mask, do you? One can only hope.

Finally, I’ve been working, off and on, on a COVID dictionary. Here’s a sample:

A Covid Dictionary

These are trying times for speakers of standard English. A lifetime spent using simple words to convey clear ideas leaves one ill-equipped for understanding what one reads and hears today. Here is a possibly helpful dictionary of terms currently in vogue, for those wedded to the now archaic idea that words are to be used to communicate. 

In today’s brave new world, any dictionary has an ever-contracting useful life. The notion that words should correspond to anything in objective reality is viewed as a dangerous anachronism. Therefore, the definitions below are good only for the current moment, and will be changed as soon as found expedient by our present wordsmiths. 

Believing the Science: An act of faith performed by acolytes who have not read the studies, would not understand them if they did, but parrot exactly what the nice people in lab coats on TV tell them to. 

Conspiracy Theory: a ritual allegation that relieves the speaker from all obligations to look at evidence

COVID Case: anyone who shows any signs of having, or ever having had, any of the symptoms common to a cold, flu, seasonal allergy, asthma, or related afflictions, or who gets a positive test result on a COVID test, regardless of how many cycles the test is run. Archaic: someone who presents for medical care while showing clear symptoms of COVID – never use case in this sense!

COVID Test: a highly sophisticated and, as used, highly oversensitive test wherein, when desired, a sample is processed as many times as it takes to get a positive result. Standards call for 40 or more cycles in cases of COVID, while other uses of the same technology to diagnose other diseases stop at 20 to prevent rampant false positives. 

Denier: See ‘Conspiracy Theory’

Established Science: A set of ever-changing dogmas found politically useful regardless of evidence or valid criticism. 

Scientific Consensus: The principle under which people defend the ideas that bloodletting is a good treatment for a wide variety of diseases, and that heavier bodies fall faster than lighter bodies. Antonym: Scientific Method. 

Pandemic: Any real or imagined health problem the government declares to require massive government intervention to address. 

Have a nice weekend!

Author: Joseph Moore

Enough with the smarty-pants Dante quote. Just some opinionated blogger dude.

4 thoughts on “A Gripping Tale of Getting My Teeth Cleaned, and Other Exquisite Drama”

  1. Great post! I would love to think this is all behind us now, but cold/flu season is right around the corner. I have a bad feeling it’ll all just magically come back, masks, lockdown and all.

    1. The one prediction I made at the beginning of all this nonsense: it will never end if left to TPTB Having the people do whatever they’re told to do, no matter how ridiculous and humiliating, is just too useful. Setting people against each other, so that Karen is freaking out and reporting people trying to act normally, is a great distraction. So, yep, as soon as it is necessary or desirable – say, when people start protesting or state governments start passing election reforms – then it’s back to full blown panic.

  2. It being mid-winter here, half the country is again “locked down”, masked up and enduring “isolation”. Isn’t it interesting that every just accepts as a normal description of society terms that not so long ago were confined to high-security prisons?

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